I remembered when my only thoughts were my books and the woman I want to become. I remembered when I used to see my parents struggle and beat my hand on my chest , that I will do better now so my future will not suffer later. I remembered when people used to laugh at me , talk about me and say “she won’t go far” .
I remembered nights in my room , looking helplessly at the white walls in it and travelling with my mind; to come back feeling distressed , tired, worried most times with tears; other times they are good and gives me the strength to keep moving
I remembered how much work I had to put to prove to people that I am not “bad”. Despite all that effort, was it worth the fight ? I feel it was , because I discovered there is truly no limit to man power , plus if God is with you. There is no limit to a woman who is determined , knows what she wants and doesn’t loose her focus.
I discovered I am a “never give up” person, I learned how to build my self to be strong , I’ve learnt it so well that masking my feelings , especially when I’m unhappy or a fat storm is close by; became easy. I will be so into whatever I’m facing that instead to share my worries with someone I rather keep it to my self.
Being solo is what I have learned because I never liked being a burden to anyone; I learned how to fight for my self; I have practised silence , I have practiced being observant, yes this is what I learned !
I am that kind of person that can give you all to be okay , and despise my self; I’m the type that can fight for you , scold you be fully honest , I am so good and soft hearted that people played with it.
But I can’t be all this if on the other side I begin to see ‘funny’ behaviours. Just a little is enough to build-raise the wall so high that we can be in the same room yet you won’t know anything about me , my plans , my deepest worries, that even if the storm I’m facing at that moment is capable to kill me , you will never know.
It takes someone who truly loves me , who truly cares enough to know me, hold hands with me, and cherish me, to unveil such mask. Like they say behind a smile there is a story.